Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
