Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
