I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
