i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
