saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Alive.
So much puke
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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