just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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