You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
