Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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