I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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