I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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