and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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