Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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