you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
