I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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