just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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