Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
