I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My vagina is officially offended.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
