You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The power of my boobs compel you
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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