I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
