you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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