I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
