that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
