hell yes lets make some ravioli
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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