thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
