I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
