I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
