We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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