It's chlamydia! Thank God!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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