you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
