Kiss
Puke
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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