i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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