he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
