You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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