We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
