shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
