I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
