he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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