I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I pour the whiskey from now on
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
