I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
