You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
