I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
