is your mom at the bar?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
