Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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