they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
