So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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