Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
