I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
