I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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