Define "chronic" masturbator.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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