How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
