I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
